In the beginning...

there was no light, but only intermittent flashes of wild, undeveloped impulses, emotions, and thoughts. This blog is a personal attempt to grasp and keep these flashes which often get lost as life goes on (stated in terms of psychology: a renewal of self by reintegrating unconciousness into a concious whole). Or to use a metaphor, to rethink life as an unfinished novel rather than a drama: although a loose plot full of digressions and seemingly irrelevant and unrelated incidents, a novel is still a whole. "Novelizing my life" has the double meaning of chattering about everything (as a novelist) and to bring life anew (as the word "novel" also indicates). Well, who knows? Maybe it'll be only a bunch of footnotes which have no main text to note about?

緣起

該開始寫碩士論文了，許多天馬行空的想法張開雙翅，乘高速不停遷移；但我相信，在論文寫作的過程中，必定有一堆不忍又必須刪去的段落和註解。它們雖然在深思熟慮後才被棄置不用，但這篇論文恐怕只是一場意外，所以，也算是意外遺落的腳註。 (天知道我內心最想寫的是本文還是註解？！) 此其一。

小說真是最適合東拉西扯的文類了：你可以天南地北無所不談，甚至不用擔心寫不下去。真寫不下去？！大不了不寫就是了。沒頭沒尾也是種有頭有尾，小說非常鼓勵虎頭蛇尾……活著跟小說也有點像，老是有不可預期的突然、小錯釀成巨災的風險、規律起居中不時浮現的白日夢、在最不情願的時刻碰到那種半生不熟的點頭之交，在尷尬地寒暄時還感覺到自己逼不得已的虛偽、舊計劃被新樂趣不停打斷到頭來一事無成……

這些事都是生活的一部分，有時卻並不適合擺進生命的劇本，不能成為生命的主軸；它們要嘛成了生命的註腳，或被忽略。有註腳的生命就像劇本變成了評論，你從演員變成觀眾，學著自我欣賞。但那些意外遺落的腳註呢？它們怎麼辦？我在想有沒有可能把它們撿回來，把自己太像劇本的生活小說化，變得貼近自身一些。此其二。